But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
