who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
