and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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