I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
