i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize