I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
