You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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