yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
