Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
