Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
