On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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