Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
