i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize