so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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