I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
