go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
