His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
