i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
