it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
