You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
