Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
