it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
