Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
