Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
