Apparently you make a good broom.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
