i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
