WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
