Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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