Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
