I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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