in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
