Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
