he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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