Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
