yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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