Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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