I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
