we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
