So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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