That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
