It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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