mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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