peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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