if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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