my mouth tastes like poor choices
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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