Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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