I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
