and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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