I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize