When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize