i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
