Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hippo gnu deer
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
