I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
