triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
