No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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