So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
