Pappa wants mamma naked
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
