Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
