I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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