Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
