Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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