I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
