You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
