god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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