I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
