god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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