Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
