sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
