There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
