I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
