i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
