does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
