More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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