Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
