Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
