I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
