my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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