1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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