I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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