**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
