Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
