wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
