im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
