alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
