ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
