The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
