I would go down on you faster than GM stock
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
