Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
