Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize