So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
