Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
