well I can't set my house on fire every night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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