By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
