i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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