I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
