...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
