I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
