I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
