Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
