I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had to cum in my sink.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
