ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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