It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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