People in love make me want to vomit
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My pussy is not your playground.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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