Just fell off a train. Bad.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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