dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
