Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
