You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize