my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
