I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
