I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
