My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
