Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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