i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
