Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
