When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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