Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
