this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
