for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize