i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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